Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Picking up the pieces

Wow ok last week was somewhat of a long post but I feel it started a needed vent for me. As I was closing out the post I started into the feeling pathetic part of my week; I feel this is a great place to pick up and carry on from.

As I stated I sat in the waiting room coming to my senses feeling pathetic, I mean here is a guy who has been diabetic for more than half of his life and he still cannot get the balancing act of blood sugar to work for him. How do people do it? I mean is there some sort of “I Win” button for Diabetes management? I am more aware of the medical waiting room now and I can see four or five people staring at me while two nurses are making sure I have not drifted off to never never land while at the office. Is this the first time I have had a reaction in public, no and I am afraid it will not be the last. I was in a K-Mart and was experiencing pain from my Neuropathy just last week. As we walked through the aisles of the store the pain would hit and it was not just a simple amount of pain it was 15 to 20 spots on my body from my feet to my head getting hit by what felt like a million needles at once. What do I do I jump or jerk uncontrollably when the pain hits as it was horrible. What do I hear, I hear a lady tell her son honey stay over here that man is strange. STRANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks lady now not only do I feel pathetic for having issues I cannot control I get to be strange to you are your son because the pain shot through my body like a jet racing across the sky.

The problem with feelings like this are they are a glimpse of the insecurity a Diabetic carries with them, now please do not get me wrong not everyone carries the feelings around daily, but they have had them at least once in their life. I have a friend who says her emotions with this disease are almost more of a rollercoaster ride than the disease itself. Alas we cannot allow our feelings of insecurity run our lives, just the same as we cannot allow the disease to run it. We all have bad days and they will never go away, but take these days and these feelings and use them to your advantage. Did the event at the doctor or in K-mart stop me from living a full day those days? No, I continued to push myself through the day no matter how I felt. I enjoyed the time in K-mart buying things for my family no matter the pain or what some lady said. Enjoyed it even more that it was my father in laws money my wife was spending and not ours lol.

I am going to end here tonight and leave you with one thought. Even through the pain in your life did you make anyone else smile today?

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